RESTARTING ALL OVER | 2. Broken fragments of love

 I was in this beautiful relation which had started in mid 2011, person loved me and I was sure as this must be "soul mate" kind of love for life. Though it was long distance, it wasn't a cake walk, we had fair share of ups and downs but we kept our faith strong to hold each other and not let things go out of our control. I still value our togetherness, time we spent. Regret the ugly fall out but may be it was for the best.

 I broke up just a month prior leaving Mumbai so obviously it was haunting me even when I came home, 3 years of long distance relation was over in bitterness and now I was in a same city as my beloved ex. Things had changed and I could not go back to amend because I was hurt enough, time and again. I decided not to have any contacts but when we are in love its not as easy to let go things in life, letting my best friend and love go at the same time was taking toll on me and it gradually took me to depression. I always thought I was a strong person but this phase was just getting nasty as each moment passed by and my home coming got darker.

I would not want to talk in detail with due respect to the other person, I hold no grudges and enemity to what went and what typically went wrong but certainly this relationship molded me to stronger me. It did not work out for good or for worse but I am okay now. When I just say that I am okay, trust me people! this was probably the worst break up I ever had, emotionally and psychologically, time is the healer and one should not feel hope less. Life turns around but it will take its own time. Two of my very close friends  helped me sail it through this saga, even though I was broken and had bruises it took no time to heal.

P.s : Thanks Anirudh and Neha for being there <3

RESTARTING ALL OVER | 1. Life without a best friend

Restarts are always tough, is it? I don't know, to be honest I am trying to be out of my qualms and just take this change slowly. Its been 8 months since I am came back home clearly looking for a new beginning and their is a lot that has happened since then. During this time, I was away gathering myself, spending time with my family, dealing with an illness and most of all understanding my life. So to sum up how did these last months pass by? I thought I would look back while i write, today

1. Life without a best friend

When I had just arrived, I felt blurry and I was restless most of the time all I wanted to do was to get surrounded by people and when ever their was a silence, I would plunge into sadness. I had left my friends behind and these were some people whom I loved whole heartedly but thats how life is right? it pushes you to unimagined corners. One of the saddest moment was to let go few people as I was done dragging them along, my high school best friend had soaked up in his career and this time around their was no time for me, I felt like an outsider, I waited and in response I had his excuses and even a text sms "Dude! We are not soul mates.." that was last text and calling it all quits, it was hurting but I had to make a choice and all I had to do was to let it go. I have had few break ups but bond that we share with our best friends is beyond anybody's comprehension and thats clearly why they are called best friends. So now, I was without a best friend.

Jatra

COMING SOON

Confessions of 2013

Giving a quick round up for 2013 is not been easy as I had imagined, Gosh! 2013 has been a total roller coaster. This year tested heights in me, took me to my lowest point ever and changed me in every possible way. It shook me up and made me witness some bitter truths about life. These truths caused a lot of pain but in the process it allowed me to discover the true person in me. I have never thought through in my life but this year compelled me not only think but also to take tough turns and deep jumps overcoming my own inhibitions and fear. Thank you god!

Today when I look back rewinding, hardest part for me was that I had to let go some favorite people in my life. Essentially time changes us and with that different dynamics of our relationship is witnessed. It is up to us on how we handle it. It’s a sad feeling but that’s how things are, all we can do is to accept it and move on.

2013 also made me see, realize, accept my own mistakes! I am happy that my ability to contemplate and introspect has improved and this will only make me a better person. For many years, I have been a cry baby and people have hated me for that but better late than never! I am not a cry baby anymore. 

With time and many situations that we have to deal with we also learn to be adaptable in our life which is a vicious cycle.This was the year when I took a change in my career, I also realized that my passion is to drive my creative forces.I have found myself more inspiring than before and I am happy and optimistic.

2013 has become the year where I have finally decided to dump all my old baggage.  2014 indeed has made me reborn and has given a true sense of direction, a goal and a clear objective to where I want to be, whom I want to be with, what I should be taking, what I should be giving back to my loved ones and society, this is just the beginning and I am going to write my own destiny.

South Asia's Shame : RAPE

When I was a kid for me “Rape” was something bad that a villain would do to a “heroine” in a typical Bollywood drama. I knew that it was bad and in one occasion when I had asked my mother, she simply said “it is a bad bad thing”. It was only when I was in grade 7; I was told by one of my favourite teacher in the school that Rape is basically a forceful sexual assault and can happen to anyone. Back then source of information were very limited and internet access was rare too. It was more difficult to understand these kinds of subjects which nobody was comfortable talking about. We have come a long way but still our society seems to be threat to our kids and women. This is my introspection and the way I have seen and experienced recent uprising against "Rape"

In recent times, the term “RAPE” is widely been discussed at many forums and many outrage have taken place with some horrific cases been reported but sadly nothing seems to move and to add fuel to the fire with recent gang rape in India’s maximum city, it has become a furore.

Rape is not confined to any country, nation or geography. Delhi is unsafe or Mumbai is safe these are nothing but just a myth of ignorance, problem is deep within our mindset and values which has been a part of our social establishment for many years. Sex is a topic that we do not talk about. When a kid desires to know about “Where did I come from” or “How did I come”, towards puberty when questions arise with regards to sexual urge, attraction, excitement, masturbation and many such things our society opts not to talk about it. The ignorance of keeping it a restricted topic leads to many acts that take place in various situations where kids get sexually abused by their relatives or even strangers which never gets reported and is never spoken; it remains within the person as a trauma for rest of her/his life.

Kids do not realize how they are getting assaulted. Penetration is one of way to abuse but what about forcible act of rubbing or touching and many of our kids are victimized on these grounds? These issues are never reported and spoken just because parents have made it sound it is a forbidden word or topic to talk about and hence children do not come out to report it. Children’s are our future; do we educate them in a right manner?  Keeping our ignorance and denial aside about “nothing will happen to my child” and until this is fixed our society will never be safe for our children’s.

Now we come to the hot topic about our government, laws and institution. One thing for sure is, entire sub continent functions in a very “Chalte hai” attitude. Rape is just seen as a forbidden crime. 95% such cases do not get reported due to social stature or fear of getting bullied from the force that are politically and financially sound. There have been hundreds of cases which were highlighted by the media, enough were reported yet, many convicts bailed through. Shame!

Today Law itself has become a privileged service, people are scared of approaching to police and reporting because after its reported victim and the family gets emotionally raped, then why to even report and invite a situation, this is where a million dollar question lands? And unfortunately our judiciary takes ages to go through a case and provide justice to humanity and by the time a verdict is taken the damage is unimaginable.

As I write I don’t know, where should the correction start from? , I doubt if this will ever be corrected. Problem starts from home, family, relatives, society, law, government and the entire establishment and we have no idea where this problem will end. It has eaten us up so badly that we are swallowed inside a dirty nasty stomach. 

Review: B.A Pass

As a person I am against the term “Judgemental” but when it comes to movie, we all do make assumptions by looking at it’s trailers, posters or analysing the star cast, name of the production house, director and the list goes on depending on one’s personal depth of knowledge about entertainment and cinema.

Most importantly we pay for it and as a middle class consumer we strongly believe in “Value for money”. When I first came across to the poster of B.A Pass where I spotted Shilpa Shukla and numerous accolades gathered in various international film festivals, it seemed that it is not an ordinary movie. For past few months there has been series of good movies and I had never felt so good going to the theatres and coming back getting surprised on every visit that I paid. When I first looked at the trailer my reaction was Oh! Boy.. And I told myself, no matter what reviews does it get, I am up for Ajay Bahl’s B.A Pass.

It wasn't planned but I landed up in one of the cheesiest sleazy theatres in south Mumbai. It was after many years I had been to a vintage one screen primitive theatre, its exterior’s looked awful and crowd could be differentiated from regular  high street multiplexes. It appeared to me that the poster and trailer made quite an impact as it was crowded, people from various age groups starting doubtfully 18 to couples in their early 50’s were present. As I enter the auditorium, I had a chill looking at the ravaged chairs and damp smell which hypothetically looked more like RGV horror film sets. A man guided us to our seat with the help of a torch light. I timidly make myself comfortable or atleast I pretended but surely I wasn’t sure I am going to make through the entire show. Thank god! My chair was clean and I prayed as I did not wanted rats or crawlers running over me. Slowly theatre is houseful. Boy’s right out of their puberty make galore of noise and other grown up gangs hush hush them which more sounded like angry snakes making noise, not less than adventure, silver screen lightens up and the show begins.

B.A Pass is an official adaptation from book “The Railway Aunty” written by Mohan Sikka. Screen play by Ritesh Shah, and directed by Ajay Bahl. On the Main leads were Chak De girl, Shilpa Shukla, Shadab Kamal, Rajesh Sharma and Dibyendu Bhattacharya. Now did I had a judgement about this movie, answer is yes! I was not sure how the translation would take place on screen for such a bold subject, but I was hopeful.

Shilpa Shukla’s role may have been very demanding performing bold and sensuous scenes, she fitted rightly to the character, where she is able to justify the crude, sexy, horny character as portrayed by Mohan Sikka. As story progresses movie is not sleazy, It is not cheesy even though scenes where shadab and Shilpa are seen in an hot, intimate action but nowhere they looked uncanny. Story revolves around the dark aspect of life. It’s not a story of Railway Aunty but is a story of a boy whose destiny had changed in an incident where he loses his both the parents. Whether you call it a bad luck or a bad destiny, his journey will take one through some of the darkest non spoken facts about the Indian society. Formation of our values and belief systems in our society which are so hollow that when it comes to real life terms they appear tragic and how it changes the course of path for one poor individual in its most tragic form.

Shadab has lived up to every bit of Mukesh, he tells you what pain he has deep within him, which he fights back at every occasion. Not a rebellious of nature but he appears to be a soldier, but a soldier who is been in captivate of an unknown enemy. It worsens when he realises that everybody were his enemy but it was too late then for him to realise. If you actually look at it, this movie will make you sad, but at the same time it will awaken you stating how life is full of unprecedented events, how blood relations get powerless over money, how worse money could be to a mankind and how helpless one can be and all we can do is to fight back at every minute until the breath stops! Leading to an orderly silence as it all ends.

As movie ended, lot of audience looked surprised, apart from few claps and whistles while a man and women were steaming in action, they surrendered to heart touching story and were glued to the pain that was shown. Once again a great watch, the only spoiler for me if it had more refinement when it comes to storytelling ability. Shilpa is great at her work but this new bloke Shadab was the show stealer. With 3.5***, I suggest you to watch this incredible story, a unspoken and unexplored truth of our society which I am sure doesn't only exists in Paharganj or Delhi’s Railway colony.

My Mumbai Diary : Sorrow of Mumbai

Mumbai Skyline

Mumbai is the most populous city in India, and the fourth most populous city in the world, home to total population of approximately 20.5 million and one of the most populous urban regions in the world including the Greater Mumbai region of Navi Mumbai and Thane.

Apart from commercial capital of India it is also the wealthiest city in India, and has the highest GDP of any city in South, West or Central Asia. Mumbai has been ranked 6th among top 10 global cities on billionaire count, ahead of Shanghai, Paris and Los Angeles.  

Maddening Traffic Jams

Mumbai alone contributes to large surplus of India’s GDP. With all the growing population, city suffers with poor infrastructure. On the other hand India's national capital Delhi has transformed itself with excellent roads, word class metro rail service, world’s largest cng bus service. Despite of being a commercial capital Mumbai  struggles big time not just with basic amenities such as transportation, sanitation, green spaces and pollution. Southern block of the city which is also termed as SoBo, where real estate rates are sky rocketing and is one of the most expensive spaces in the world. SoBo is where the money minting population resides unlike Suburban Mumbai which is dominated by the upper to middle class population is more densely populated with expensive property rates.

Mumbai has three major train routes, western, central and harbour. All these three routes look primitive, unsafe.  One of the world’s largest sub-urban rail systems is also defamed for many deaths as commuters fall from train or die while crossing the tracks or even while boarding as they slip from foot board. While public equally is careless about hazards, but keeping serfice and safety in mind Mumbai urban train which is known as “Local” needs massive makeover.

City of Holes

There is also an unending saga of pot holes.Its rare to see an area in Mumbai where men are not in progress. Once the BMC gets road cleared, in just about few days some other authorities like Electricity, Mobile operator,  Gas connection will be spotted digging in middle of the day ignoring complete mayhem caused. Mumbai rush hour stars 730 am and goes till 1030 am, during this hour passing through these patches can be a nightmare especially if you are late for interview or flights.

Mumbai beaches bleed their own sorrows, plastic and entire wastage appear floating and the smell may just give you sickness. Despite of all, the view that it offers is magnificent, wish it was clean, it would have been an urban heaven.

Famous Mumbai Monsoon saga brings life to stand still as commuters find hard travelling and due to poor transportation management, people suffer a lot. Even the major roads will have millions of pot holes, water logging due to poor drainage system.  Authorities do not realise what this city is going through, with other cities progressing Mumbai’s development has paced at the speed of tortoise.

SubUrban Rail System "Local"

Now, let me also talk about the auto-rickshaws, which is a life line for suburban commuters. There is no system or governance; everybody is a king of their own. Service is merely in existence and all looks a pure business. Drivers deny on your face about going to a destination and it can get fucking nerve wrecking at times. Similar stories with the taxiwalas but they are better off than the autowalas yet not a smooth sail.

Mumbai is yet strong, determined and beautiful but it certainly deserves so much more. This city is expensive, what people pay here to rent a studio apartment could even be half of their pay cheque, still this city is full of dreamers, dream-makers, dream-pavers and winners in their own league of life. But standard of life needs to improve.

 I and millions other love this city but It gives me pain to watch this city suffering in this manner, not sure for how long this city can bear the negligence and exploitation. It needs a change, change not to diminish the authenticity but to preserve its aura and charm. Mumbai is not less than New York or London but these western cities are much ahead, Mumbai needs to catch up before it dies its own slow death.